We are shining hearts in the servant dark. I recommend you read my first post for some clarity, if needed. It will affirm who you are, encourage those like us, applaud & value those in the dark, or you may even have the opinion that the underlying belief of the post and who I am is not at all a part of what you believe. This is the beauty and foundation of opinion. My posts are not for your approval but do value feedback and dialogue that grow you and me. However, with feedback comes approach. Approach has been on my mind, and there should be no reason for approach to be unkind.
What is the feedback really for?
I wholeheartedly believe and will always follow my calling as a shining heart in the servant dark. Service. Yes, service. I believe in service to others in support of ultimate growth for all we are responsible for without the spotlight. This is my who. When the moment of feedback comes, my who comes out in my words, thoughts, questions, and recommendations. It is not about me. It is not about look at me. It is not and should not be. Therefore, why do some shun from the feedback we decree?
Perhaps, it is simply that. Feedback and an invitation to dialogue should not be decreed. To decree is to order . . . not an if, and, or but. Where is the growth, I ask, when dialogue fails to make the cut? Was the feedback for growth? Was the feedback to feed you? What was your true oath as only meanness ensued? Feedback is valuable when approach is kind. It is the approach that allows all growth to unwind.
Time for an oil check?
Let us think of our who as the oil that smooths us out for all encounters. Each and every encounter delivers our who. Even when the encounter may be an intense argument with a loved one, the manner in which we react and approach such an argument lets others know who it is that we are. I find it crucial and non-negotiable to remain that service-oriented individual who others can trust and not have to walk on eggshells around.
If we know it has come to a point where we feel misunderstood, called out, hated on, or the many new verbs found on social media for such an action, it might be time for an oil check. Some may ponder. If our who is the oil that smooths us out for all encounters and demonstrates who we are, then why should we change our who? It is who we are, and we should be who we are, unapologetically. I agree 100%. We should all be who we are. However, our who can take on inner debris that can stop us from running at our who's peak performance. If we claim to be servant and life-long learners, we must be willing to commit ourselves to an oil check. Once we have reflected how we approach others—face-to-face, via social media, or any other platform—only then is it fair and just to be unapologetically us.
The rude, crude, aggressive approaches are alive and well. And, for what? The gossip? The secret meeting? The possible mention in a timeline after the beating? Servant then, we are not. Our service is amiss somewhere in the inner debris we have caught.
Why the attack?
No one should fear a conversation, dialogue, or comment made . . . fear of the backlash from others who attack. Yes, it is an attack. When the pouncing and pummeling of our words during encounters, via any form, do not allow another to come up for air, we are attacking the very ones we claim to want to grow. Feedback inviting dialogue is not a competition. It is not a time for more crudeness, a battle, or opinionated diction. Again, I ask. If this is what gives us the high, then what is the feedback for? Let us dig deeper. Who is the feedback for? What is it really that we are intending to accomplish by using unduly forms of approach?
We sometimes mistake applause for approval of our in-the-face approach. We place the applause, encouragement, and praise in our inner debris of defense that somehow paint for us a need to have an advantage over others. Is this really why we invite dialogue? If this is it, we have to humbly ask ourselves, “Why is my approach taken as an attack?” We must dig deep. Dig deep into our intentions. Change up the oil and show others where our invitation should really be coming from. Let us keep abreast of the emotional intelligence and approach the feedback with heart, heart for growth and not for a plus on some silly competitive chart.
Approach. Nothing but kind exploration into growth.
Unless a fact has been delivered incorrectly, our goal should not be to refute. There should be no attempts to disprove others. We all have knowledge & experiences and are filled with life lessons that have taken us through adventures & misadventures that shape our views. Yes, our views should be discussed in an effort to enhance them not challenged in an effort to invalidate them. You nor I can disprove others’ experiences, but we can add more value and meaning to experiences to allow for an enlightenment. An enlightenment through kind dialogue where both listen to understand and then grow & move forward can lead to much more than an unnecessary battle of uncompromisingly opinionated words in store. It is not about the cruder the better. It is about the kinder the better.
Yes, the word kind makes some cringe at its existence. Some call out others for their opinion, practice, and encouragement of kindness. I have yet to read or hear of kindness solving the world’s issues; rather, it is the approach some take to maneuver all going on in their own shoes. Nevertheless, we have to wonder—if at all we are trying to help others grow—are we providing our opinion of kindness or are we attacking those whose intentions with kindness move them forward? When I think of the opposite of kindness, words like malice, animosity, intolerance, & hostility come to mind. Is this really what we prefer? A combative who with the need to be on top of some loud crew?
Let us not hide behind the loudness and untactful transparency and market these as genuine honesty. The honesty must be with us . . . an honesty about a need for that oil check. Our approach to feedback must be conducive to growing us and others. It is not a contest, a relay, nor a time to smother. It is discourse. Discourse through maturity and humble intentions is discourse among the genuine claimers of life-long learning and dimension.
Approach has been on my mind, and there should be no reason for approach to be unkind.